Running on Empty

A week ago, I pulled into town to do a shift at my job 

and realized I needed to find a gas station....and quick!  It was early Sunday morning and nothing was open so I went to the closest gas station and just sat at the pump waiting for them to open.  But I sat there safe....knowing that in a few minutes someone would open the doors and come rescue me. 

My van is empty, coasting into the gas station on fumes, and the Range says "0 kms to go"

How often do I let myself get this way? 

I coast through to the end of the week on fumes because I've been so busy (either taking care of actual business/other people/work, etc....or procrastinating and just not paying attention to how I'm feeling or what I need to keep going). I'm kinda ashamed to say that I have found myself in this situation more than once....not the van....but me....running on empty and still trying to do, do, do.  

And then, right when I need the reminder, God sends a song.  Always.  

So I will be still, and know you are God.  

That moment of sitting, and knowing that He is God.
I'm Safe.
 I'm Rescued.

Expectancy

Expectancy

(not my photo....but a free one that says what I want to say)

I'm not sure how 3 years went by and my blog went unattended.  

I'm guessing part of it had to do with living in Survival Mode for a few of those years; letting the things that feed my soul fall to the wayside while taking-care-of-business had to be a priority; raising kids through some cray-cray teenage struggles; figuring out who, in fact, I am in this new world I've found myself in; and just the busyness of life. 

 

OK.  I'm exactly sure that's how 3 years went by and my blog went unattended.  

But this week, my cell leader asked me to share my story with the ladies in my cell.  It was more of a Q&A, and less of me speaking solo, in the end, because we're that kind of group....and I loved it.  One of the reason I haven't shared much of my story publicly is that I think my story is best told on a comfy couch with a cup of coffee, and not from a podium somewhere.  But whatever the case, having to write some of it out this past week or two forced me to go back to some of my old blog posts to remember what I was feeling back then.  In the process I have been reminded of many things.....primarily how God is faithful.  No matter what.  He has given me so many verses, songs, words, people, etc., to see me through some of the worst circumstances and I am in awe of how He's carried me. 

And so I find myself on the cusp of another new world now as my youngest finishes high school and I am investigating a new career path....or possibly just an additional career path....?  We'll see.   Whatever the case, I KNOW that my God will continue to be faithful.  I know that he will continue to provide and carry me.  I have long held to the theory that I can't live with expectations.....but rather live in EXPECTANCY of what God is going to do.  I'm excited to see.  It will be good.  Stay tuned :)

And in the meantime, I'll leave you with the verse that has come to epitomize my life as I wait for what God will surprise me with:  

Habakkuk 1:5

"Look at the nations and watch, and be amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told." 

100-day Challenge

I'm starting some "resolutions" now in February. It's not too late, is it...? And to kick start, I'm journaling about 2 different 100-day challenges I'm doing. 

1.  THM 100-day challenge. I've eaten THM (Trim Healthy Mama) for awhile now but I got really off track (aka: lazy) last summer when I was commuting back and forth to HSC every other day and eating on the road. Not my finest time of self-care. I had other things on my mind. Anyway....I do know how great I feel on THM so I have great expectations from this 100-day challenge. The basics are: on-plan eating for 100 days; exercise (I'm doing what I can here); and setting a few other smaller goals for yourself. Goals are set....I even have an accountability partner....and she's seen my "before" pictures (never to be posted online under threat of death). 

2.  I'm also doing a 100-day challenge from Hilsongs. I'm not actually sure when the plan first ran so I've kinda adopted it to fit my own schedule and it seemed good to run these together. Basically the plan is to read a chapter of the Gospels each day (there's 89, so there are 11 grace days built in) and to do something creative each day. I have no shortage of creative things I WANT to do....the problem for me is putting them off (cards, Project Life, etc.) and never reaping the soul-resting consequences of being creative....or  not seeing the creative in some of the more mundane things I do have time to do (cooking, enjoying movies, walking through the art department at school, etc.)

So....that's my Februrary 1 - May 10 plan. 100 days of eating well, staying in The Word, and hopefully finding a snippet of time to be creative again. 

A re-post.....but a great reminder.

This blog post from 3 years ago popped up on my Facebook feed and I was stopped in my tracks and reminded anew how important it is to remember that God's love endures. No matter what my circumstances seem to be, no matter my perspective, no matter what I see....his love endures forever. So, I'm sorry, on a blog with such infrequent posts, to repeat myself...but this needs to be on here twice.  (Reposted and edited, from Jan.22, 2013)

I read Psalm 136 today in morning devotions.  Here's a snippet - in case you need a reminder of this great Psalm (complete text at the bottom of this post):

Psalm 136

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures forever.

² Give thanks to the God of gods.

His love endures forever.

³ Give thanks to the Lord of lords:

His love endures forever.

⁴ to him who alone does great wonders,

His love endures forever.

So....I was reading this text again - like I've read it many, many times before but this time I was actually reading the words outloud.  All of them.  Even the repeated refrain "His love endures forever" which I (and I'm probably not the only one) skip over or just read in our heads.  It struck me as I read all the good, and bad things in the first parts of the stanzas that ALL of them ended with "His love endures forever" no matter how wonderful or horrible the action seemed - creating the sun, or killing kings.  

And then I wondered...WHAT IF I read my life like that.
I mean, I KNOW it in my head - that God's love endures forever; that he loves me; that he works all things together for good....
but what if I actually SAID it outloud like that - attached to the good, and the bad.

I woke up this morning wide awake and breathing.

His love endures forever.

My coffee was great and devotions were challenging

His love endures forever.

It's -43 with the windchill outside and I have to walk to school.

His love endures forever.

My van is in the garage and getting it back today will mean a big bill

His love endures forever.

My son got a part in the community play "The Sound of Music."

His love endures forever.

My daughter did not get the part she auditioned for.

His love endures forever.     

You see how this could go on and on....I could list every good or bad (in my perspective) thing that happens in my day/life....and still, His love would endure and every little thing in my life would filter through that understanding.  I think this would change my perspective on a lot of things.  I think I might start to see many more things as gifts from my loving Heavenly Father.  I also think I might begin to see HOW he's working things together for my good instead of being frustrated that I can't always see it. 

Today's Edit: 

It's Monday - first day of a new semester of school. 

His love endures forever.

I'm loving my job this year. 

His love endures forever.

My son has unrelenting headaches from post-concussion syndrome.

His love endures forever.

I am on a roller-coaster with another child.

His love endures forever.

I'm going back to school. 

His love endures forever.

My bills are piling up. 

His love endures forever.

The coffee is good this morning. 

His love endures forever.

His love endures forever.

As promised:  the entire text of Psalm 136

Psalm 136

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
² Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
³ Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

⁴ to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
⁵ who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
⁶ who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
⁷ who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.
⁸ the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
⁹ the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.

¹⁰ to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.
¹¹ and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.
¹² with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.

¹³ to him who divided the Red Sea^[a] asunder
His love endures forever.
¹⁴ and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.
¹⁵ but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.

¹⁶ to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.

¹⁷ to him who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.
¹⁸ and killed mighty kings—
His love endures forever.
¹⁹ Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.
²⁰ and Og king of Bashan—
His love endures forever.
²¹ and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.
²² an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His love endures forever.

²³ He remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
²⁴ and freed us from our enemies.
His love endures forever.
²⁵ He gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

²⁶ Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

Mountain #1

TRUST. 

The beginning of this journey, I think, is in dreaming big. Asking for big things. Trusting that there is nothing too big for God even when these things seem like mountains to me. Here's mountain #1. My kids. Every parent feels like they're failing at times in sure. Some of us more than others. And legitimately some of our kids face more obstacles than others. But I am trusting for my children to be God's. Not in word only. They've all made decisions for Christ in their lives. Early on. With childlike faith. But I'm trusting for more. Big faith. Big hearts. Big testimonies. Big mountains moved in their lives so that they will all willingly call themselves 'The Lord's.'

Isaiah 44:3-5

"For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. 

They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams. 

One will say, 'I belong to the Lord'; another will call himself by the name of Jacob; still another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's,' and will take the name Israel. 

One Word: TRUST

I haven't ever really done the one-word thing before. Choosing, or allowing God to choose, one single word to be my focus for the year. I've had words that have been my focus in the past: safety, peace (lots of times), simplify, etc. But to actually sit, early in January, and ask God for a word....? I haven't really done that before. 

This year I think my word is TRUST. 

It's not a word I think I would have chosen on my own. I have a faith gift. And trusting is not something I generally struggle with. I trust God. I believe that if he says He'll do something, He'll do it. 

But I think maybe God is asking me this year to ask Him for bigger things; to actually write down and pray for things so big that ONLY He could possibly give them; to put aside the fear of "it could never happen/I don't deserve it/it's impossible" and ask. And trust. Trust that He's got it. Trust that He can do it. Trust for bigger and bigger things. 

The first verse he impressed on me this year. On January 1st, actually, was this one: 

He knows how to give good (and big) gifts. He wants to bless. 

So I've started my list. My list of big things. Things so big that when He shows up, there will be no doubt that it was Him. 

And I'm going to trust. 

A new year....a new song

A new year, a new song.

Time for resolutions? I guess.  There are always  things I'd like to improve on and do better.  I don't know if I'd say they're resolutions.  Last year one of my best accomplishments was, for the first time in my almost 40 years as a Christian, reading through the Bible from cover to cover.  I'm amazed at how it all flowed and fit together into this beautiful story.  I've known the parts and I've read it all before....but never in order and with purpose like that.  I'm really thinking about doing it again this year.  My early morning coffee/reading times before anyone else was up were some of my favourite times this year!  We'll see.  And of course I'd like to eat better and exercise more....or exercise at all.  Aren't those the standard resolutions we make?  It's a journey, people.  

But here's my real resolution....

To let go.  To trust.  To keep my eyes on Jesus.  

   Even in the storms to remember that....  

  He's there.  He's in control.  He's got this.

You know how you have that one song that you play over and over and over on your playlists? It won't leave your head; it gets you choked up every time; it encapsulates what you feel.  This is my song right now.  I hope that it will be my song all year long. 

The whole concept of "letting go" has been a theme for me for about 5 years now....letting go of what I'd thought I'd be; letting go of what my own (small) dreams had been; letting go of what I thought I needed to be ok....and just letting God catch me; teach me; show me what his dreams for me are.  I love the bridge, "Let go, my soul, and trust in Him.  The waves and wind still know His name." 

 Of course they do.  He is LORD.  The waves and wind obey Him. 

 I can trust that He can handle the storms in my life too. 

And,  I get chills sometimes singing the line "This mountain that's in front of me will be thrown into the midst of the sea" because I KNOW He's moved mountains for me in 2015 and I'm excited to see what He will do in the new year.  There are still a few more mountains I'd like to see removed from my life and I know He can do it.  

Bethel Music - It is Well

Artist: Bethel Music
Album: You Make Me Brave

Verse 1
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Verse 2

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see
And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Bridge
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul