Why am I so surprised??

Why am I so surprised when God answers my prayers?

I totally KNOW he can.  

I believe he loves me and wants to answer my prayers. 

I accept his grace as a gift. 

 I come boldly to his throne and ask with confidence.

Then why, when he does answer my prayers, am I completely blown away every time?

Here's a little backstory - too long for a Facebook post so if you're here from Facebook, thanks for coming to read the whole story :)

About a month ago, I wrecked my knee at school playing tag.  The chiropractor said he thought I tore the patellar web - the muscles that surround and hold the knee cap in place??  I just quoting because I leave medical type things like that to people who know, and care.  It hurt like crazy.  And I couldn't straighten or bend it really. I wore a brace like this one:

About 4 days after it happened, I realized....I hadn't prayed about it.  I'd prayed "with" my kids at night but I hadn't really prayed about it myself.  Strange revelation.  I did a little soul-searching that day and came to the conclusion that it was 1 of 3 things.  Either I...

1. Didn't think God could do it and that's why I didn't ask.  This is not the issue - I know he can.

2. Didn't want him to.  This was a bigger conversation with myself - do I like having "something" that I can complain about and people can feel sorry for me about?  It was a humbling conversation but in the end I'm pretty sure I feel better being known for better traits than being a victim; injured; etc.

or 3. I didn't think I deserved it - that I have lots, and can't ask God for more grace.

As soon as the word Grace came up in my mind, I realized that was what it was - not feeling worthy of MORE things from God and not feeling like I could ask because I didn't deserve more.  

That lead to an almost month-long search and study on the word grace and what it means to be on the receiving end of God's unmerited favour.  I read through every verse that my concordance could throw at me and all the related verses those led to.  It was fascinating.  And humbling.  And a good reminder that everything I have is grace from healing, to eternal life, to actually just waking up breathing in the morning.  A good reminder that my God is LONGing to give more grace; that his wants me to ask (confidently, boldly) and he gives it (abundantly, overflowingly, lavishingly - I love these type of words and all their forms in the Bible).  

Anyway, the funny part of the story for me is this:  I've prayed that God would help my knee heal quickly.  But at the end of my Grace study yesterday morning, I really, really prayed, boldly, confidently, with faith and thankfulness - for healing - for strength in my knee, etc, etc.  Now I should preface this again with:  my knee has been steadily getting better for about a month.  The chiropractor is already impressed with how well it's doing and how quickly (I told you right, that other people are praying for my knee). But there were still a few very specific things I couldn't do with my knee.  So, last night at the chiropractor I told him, I still can't kneel on it and I can't crouch (like beside a student's desk when I'm working).  So he says, "let's see..." and I get up, and kneel - no pain.  I crouch - no pain.  "Hmm...." I say.  "I couldn't do that yesterday."  

(there are still a few positions that aren't completely back to normal with my knee - but that may be because I am not 16 anymore LOL....and the chiropractor said that it wasn't a bad thing that I couldn't sit on my heels and spend a long time cross-legged anymore).  

I left the chiropractor with this funny grin on my face I think....wondering again why I'm so surprised when I actually pray for something and it happens.  Blown away again by how much he loves me and wants the best for me.  Surprised by his love and surprised by my own surprise.

Why I miss scrapbooking

I was awakened this morning by the smell of bonfire - I'm sure someone somewhere is burning leaves, or left something burning and it's turned into a hazy smoke smell coming in my open window.  I did actually get up and go outside at 5am just to make sure it wasn't anywhere in my immediate neighbourhood; prayed for whoever was out there battling a fire at this early hour; and then climbed back into bed with coffee and devotions. 

As part of my devotions recently I'm reading through this book: 

I've seen Luci speak at a couple of Women of Faith events and I've loved her crazy outlook on life.  This book isn't extremely deep/theological....but it certainly gives some perspective and jumpstarts my day with an attitude of thankfulness and joy :)  

Today's struck me especially because she was talking about carrying her camera around with her everywhere and journaling constantly about all the memories and how God commands us numerous times in the Bible to "remember" all he's done for us.  Remember, remember, remember....THAT is why I started scrapbooking in the first place: to remember my kids younger moments; to remember what things looked like, felt like, meant;  to remember how and why we did the things we did.  I wanted to perserve memories.  To remember.  And now, in this season of my life:  busy, working full time, single-parenting to a large degree, and in house renos....I find myself without the space, time or energy to do much scrapbooking at all and it's sad for me.  I am trying to keep up on a Project Life album....but even that is behind.  I don't want to look back on this time in my life and have regrets about not remembering it.  

My compromise is:  filling my camera card up, even if I don't get around to dumping the card, editing the pictures or doing anything creative with them;  journaling a few lines each day and blogging when I can even if it doesn't turn into a lovely 12x12 page of artistic journaling; and spending the time with my kids MAKING memories, even if they don't all get documented and preserved....the making of the memories is, after all, the more important of those two things. 

Happy New Year!

I've missed more than an entire month of blogging.....I could give all kinds of excuses but to make a really long story short.....life got busy.  

Because we've always been so tied to the school calendar - both the kids, and I at school - September always seems like New Years to me.  New start to the job, new start to classes, new school clothes, and new resolutions to make this year the best ever.  I love it.  (Jan. 1 comes and goes around here without much fanfare, I'm afraid).  This year has been no different.  Maybe even more "new" than most Septembers.  

My job has changed.  I'm no longer working with Grade 1's primarily....I've moved over to a new middle school and I'm spending my days with Grade 7's and 8's who, I must add, I am falling for harder than I thought I would.  Love them!!  My job is also full time this year which is strange to me - I've worked part-time ever since going back to work when my kids were all in school full-time.  I've picked up extra hours as funding allows but I've never started a year working full-time so this is an experiment in perseverance for me (and also attitude).  My home is also changing - we're in full-on renovations.  We've been without our basement and second bathroom since Spring Break and now we're starting to see the end of renos - I'll do a whole post with pictures one of these days but suffice it to say - I'm working on that as often as I have energy and time to do so.  And, in the busy-ness that is my life, I've had to let a few things go so that I can stay sane.  One of those things which has been a MAJOR part of my life for many years, is my Design Team commitment to Clear Scraps.  I have loved being a part of their team for 5 years or so....in various capacities, including coordinator, marketing, teacher, and designer.  I miss it like crazy. 

 But, I have to keep in mind that this is my main responsibility right now:  

Aren't these guys gorgeous?  It's not just because I'm their Mama, right?  

Big thanks to Joanne Peters who gifted us with an amazing deal on photos this year!!  One more to show you - the kids wanted to do a "train" picture because she had this cool chest that we could all fit on.  It sounded a bit corny at first but the photo turned out really cool.  

In a nutshell....this is the reason I'm way behind in blogging.  

You'll forgive me, right??