Why am I so surprised when God answers my prayers?
I totally KNOW he can.
I believe he loves me and wants to answer my prayers.
I accept his grace as a gift.
I come boldly to his throne and ask with confidence.
Then why, when he does answer my prayers, am I completely blown away every time?
Here's a little backstory - too long for a Facebook post so if you're here from Facebook, thanks for coming to read the whole story :)
About a month ago, I wrecked my knee at school playing tag. The chiropractor said he thought I tore the patellar web - the muscles that surround and hold the knee cap in place?? I just quoting because I leave medical type things like that to people who know, and care. It hurt like crazy. And I couldn't straighten or bend it really. I wore a brace like this one:
About 4 days after it happened, I realized....I hadn't prayed about it. I'd prayed "with" my kids at night but I hadn't really prayed about it myself. Strange revelation. I did a little soul-searching that day and came to the conclusion that it was 1 of 3 things. Either I...
1. Didn't think God could do it and that's why I didn't ask. This is not the issue - I know he can.
2. Didn't want him to. This was a bigger conversation with myself - do I like having "something" that I can complain about and people can feel sorry for me about? It was a humbling conversation but in the end I'm pretty sure I feel better being known for better traits than being a victim; injured; etc.
or 3. I didn't think I deserved it - that I have lots, and can't ask God for more grace.
As soon as the word Grace came up in my mind, I realized that was what it was - not feeling worthy of MORE things from God and not feeling like I could ask because I didn't deserve more.
That lead to an almost month-long search and study on the word grace and what it means to be on the receiving end of God's unmerited favour. I read through every verse that my concordance could throw at me and all the related verses those led to. It was fascinating. And humbling. And a good reminder that everything I have is grace from healing, to eternal life, to actually just waking up breathing in the morning. A good reminder that my God is LONGing to give more grace; that his wants me to ask (confidently, boldly) and he gives it (abundantly, overflowingly, lavishingly - I love these type of words and all their forms in the Bible).
Anyway, the funny part of the story for me is this: I've prayed that God would help my knee heal quickly. But at the end of my Grace study yesterday morning, I really, really prayed, boldly, confidently, with faith and thankfulness - for healing - for strength in my knee, etc, etc. Now I should preface this again with: my knee has been steadily getting better for about a month. The chiropractor is already impressed with how well it's doing and how quickly (I told you right, that other people are praying for my knee). But there were still a few very specific things I couldn't do with my knee. So, last night at the chiropractor I told him, I still can't kneel on it and I can't crouch (like beside a student's desk when I'm working). So he says, "let's see..." and I get up, and kneel - no pain. I crouch - no pain. "Hmm...." I say. "I couldn't do that yesterday."
(there are still a few positions that aren't completely back to normal with my knee - but that may be because I am not 16 anymore LOL....and the chiropractor said that it wasn't a bad thing that I couldn't sit on my heels and spend a long time cross-legged anymore).
I left the chiropractor with this funny grin on my face I think....wondering again why I'm so surprised when I actually pray for something and it happens. Blown away again by how much he loves me and wants the best for me. Surprised by his love and surprised by my own surprise.